Some of us are born glamorous.

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Happy Birthday dammit!!

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You're HOW old? Happy birthday...I guess...

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You don't have to say it. I know I look good.

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Casual Fridays are out of control!

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Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't see sprinkles on this cupcake!

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An empty diaper and a head full of plans.

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The last guy who called me "honey" is in my crawlspace.

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When he starts mansplaining...

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Early onset manspreading.

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Hard to believe, but I'm not really a morning person.

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Shit's 'bout to get real up in here!

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I'm psyched for Taco Tuesday.

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Chocolate!

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Did someone lose weight? 'Cause I think I found it.

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Doc, none of my personalties like me.

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EXcellent!

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I hate this family!

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I kind of have a thing for shoes.

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I should NOT have started that second bottle.

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I think you overestimate my capacity to give a shit.

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I would like a pizza. A very large pizza.

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It's my fourth brain fart today!!!

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It's off to clown jail.

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Just because it fits doesn't mean you should wear it.

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Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse!!

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Let's talk about your pottymouth.

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Mondays! Am I right?

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My ball. My rules.

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Oh my, I do believe I have the vapors...

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Oh, you heard that right! I am seriously badass!

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Seriously...I need a drink.

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They don't have my size!!

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We'll get right on that bosshole!

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Well, if I'm not the Queen, I'd like to know who is!!

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Why yes, another slice of cheesecake would be lovely.

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Yeah, my panties are in a wad! Your point being?

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You are FABulous! (as am I)

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